Our People, United Kingdom

My life behind the statistics

Every year we can be sure to find new statistics concerning the condition of teenage pregnancy within Europe.

Randelle Tanios Ellis

Statistics show that British youths are leaders amongst those of the continent when it comes to what one magazine called a: “Global tragedy”.  My name is Randelle Tanios Ellis and I am a teenage mother, or should I say, was a teenage mother. I am now approaching my 25th year, with a nearly seven year old daughter and would like to take the time to briefly share just a few of my experiences, trials and what I have learned during my life behind the statistics.

I gave birth to my daughter when I was 18 years old, the rear end of the teenage mother demographic, and now as I look at the photographs of myself with my little girl in my arms I see what all the world must have seen when they saw me: A baby. It was a drug-free, four hour delivery with only a first a degree tear and no complications. What more could a new mother ask for? My daughter’s father and I were in-love; as in love as two inexperienced youths could be, knowing as much about the other as one possibly could after just a few months.

I remember lying down on his flimsy university bed. Room 19. His Grundig 35 inch television was throwing soft blue light against the walls and upon his body as I saw him standing naked by the tiny sink in the corner of the room and picking all the parts that I knew my daughter would take of him. We broke up. He is now a father of another little girl. He is still in love with me. I know it. After years of arguing and fighting we have both finally forgiven one another and are both now putting our biggest love, our biggest achievement first; instead of our bitter jealousy and stabbing resentment.

My daughter was a little over a year old when I returned to college to complete my A levels and I am soon returning to complete my degree in September 2011. I work part-time at a Bagel joint near Ealing. I am going for my driving test for the 5th time. I save. I am trying to pursue a career as both a journalist and songwriter and my daughter wants to be Britain’s version of Miley Cyrus and hopes to audition for X-Factor next year.  If it wasn’t for the strength of the Almighty and the family that he has blessed me with, I wouldn’t be half the mother and young lady I am today.

It has been a real struggle; suffering silently from post-natal depression, a cannabis addiction, insecurities, regrets, losing friends, losing lovers. Is living it not a challenge at times for us all? No, I would not advocate any person, no matter their age, to have a child unless they are in an emotional, spiritual and physical place where they can fully give themselves and raise their child with as much stability one can achieve in this old broken system, without having to battle with ailing emotions and past actions and identity. This way they won’t commit the unjust crime against their child of feeling regret and resentment toward their existence. The family unit was put in place for a reason and I do regret, after witnessing my own mother having struggled with my sisters and I, that I had not taken a little more care.  A life is a life and I have stood by commitment, although at times I’ve wanted to run away, but run away to whom and to what? I cannot answer. I cannot see my life without her.

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