Finally, the shoe is on the other foot, as a generational shift takes place. Instead of me taking time to teach my daughter, she is assuming the role of teacher.
Steve Latham
It’s a reversal of Rebecca Solnit’s ironic essay, “Men explain things to me”, exposing men’s practice of ‘mansplaining’.
Instead, my daughter is helping me understand the changing politics of third-wave feminism. I am firmly in the learning seat.
Over Christmas, she gave a present of “Your silence will not protect you”, a set of essays by Audre Lorde, queer African-American thinker.
In addition, she lent me some short stories dedicated to the author, Octavia Butler, “Octavia’s children”, a collection of ‘visionary fiction’, published by the anarchist AK Press.
I realised recently, that I am not keeping pace with social and political developments. I had always prided myself on understanding the latest trends. Now I barely comprehend what is happening.
These include – new musical genres, like grime and Afro-beat; the return of unrestrained primitive capitalist exploitation; and the rise of social media.
But chiefly the changing landscape of sexuality and gender politics. For the first time, I feel out of touch, while my daughter is in the vanguard. I am proud of her, but feeling somewhat left behind.
In the past, wisdom lay with the tribal elders – not that I took much notice when I was young, in my own radical activism, and I thought knew everything.
But today, as the world spirals forwards into accelerating change, the insights of us “oldies” simply do not fit the new realities.
Rather, it is the young themselves, who live this altered state, who are best placed to interpret it. They see with new eyes what has never been seen before.
We do not necessarily need to agree with what we hear. After all, not all change is good change. But we do need to appreciate what we’re hearing, and attend to their fresh understandings.
What is required is listening. Only through humility, remaining quiet and paying attention, can I ever begin to comprehend.
Of course, from my daughter’s perspective, I clearly do not listen enough. There is a long way to go in my belated conscientisation. But the desire is there.
However, there is a danger of my adopting an arrogant patronising stance, in merely pretending to pay attention.
So I have to avoid seeing her merely as a means of educating me, putting yet gain my own needs above hers, as if she is simply an adjunct to my male ego. She has her own journey and agenda; and I must remember to not also fall into the trap of Solnit’s ‘mansplaining’, condescendingly attempting to ‘clarify’ her ideas.
Nevertheless, if I want to learn, I do need to listen, adopting a genuine posture of receptiveness. That’s why this column focusses on my own responses, my need to change.
I do not assume I can explain the new feminism, let alone my daughter’s position. I can only chart my own tardy appreciation.
(Photos: Pixabay)
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